Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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