i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
