Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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