OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
