so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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