dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
