he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
