I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
