Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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