what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
