went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
