quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
