Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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