why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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