I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
