Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You can't just leave with hair like that
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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