the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
