sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
