I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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