i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
