worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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