My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
