Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
