you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
