i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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