his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
