i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
