I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
