not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
