Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
