If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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