Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
