dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
