6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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