I'm eating all of the evidence.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
