I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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