sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
