My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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