note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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