Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
