God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
