i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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