no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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