Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
