honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
