stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
