Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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