i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
there is glitter all over my balls
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