Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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