Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
