i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i believe in u and ur pee
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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