ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
